Toast

Can’t cook, won’t cook!

Don't assume I can cook! (or clean)That moment when you find out that Santa is not real, or that your aunt is not the queen of Fairy Land, or that your teeth won’t fall out if you eat an entire pack of sweets to yourself – those moments are not easy to get over. As a child, they shake your belief in all that you think to be right and true and in many ways, you are never the same again…

But oh, worse still are those myths you were told when you were young and were never disproved. They stuck around in your psyche, clung on all the way through your teens and to this day, niggle away at your adult self.

Case in point:

One day, I woke up to the realisation that I can’t cook very well. Yes, I can throw some ingredients together, but if you ask me to cook something ‘traditional’ or that requires more than the average amount of seasoning, time or effort, I will reach for my phone and give you the number for at least 5 (excellent) local takeaways.

In short, I don’t like it, I’m not doing it.

What’s more, I am not great at cleaning either. Yet, despite what I was led to believe, I am neither living in a squat with rats nibbling at my toes, nor do I live alone surrounded by a pile of old trash mags and takeaway containers, mournfully waiting for a man to take pity on me and whip me into shape.

What a surprise! But it’s not just me…

Most of my gal pals have been part of this weird brainwashing too. I can hear it in their voices as they explain how guilty they are for not cooking a roast dinner on a Sunday, or not washing the dishes straight after their meal, or the germs that are eating them alive because they have not cleaned the bath (yes, this is another myth).

Well, it is time to exorcise these untruths, to air them and to crush them, expose them for the lies that they are.

Little girl with fingers in ears

Here are a few of the worst:

Lie: “Never cut your hair, as all women should have long beautiful hair.”
Truth: Check out out our post on Hollywood hair trends, which includes the pixie crop.  Nuff said.

Lie: “If you make a silly face it will stay like that forever.”
Truth: Check out this video on pulling silly faces (face yoga), which is fantastic for keeping you looking young and diminishing wrinkles.

Lie: “Bread crusts are good for you”.
Truth: On which planet are sandwich bread crusts good for you? As an adult, I choose not to eat bread at all (this includes the crust) because it bloats me and does terrible things to my waist line. Also, does  this mean that Pizza Hut stuffed crusts are doubly good for you?

Lie: “Guiness puts hair on your chest”
Truth: Lies, damned lies!

Lie: “Eat your greens and you will grow up to be big and strong”
Truth: I know alot of people who ate their greens, some of them men.  They are neither big nor strong, in fact I could probably beat them all in an arm wrestle.  Muscle density makes you strong, not greens.

Lie: “You should never lie, not under any circumstances.”
Truth: Ok, so in theory this make sense right? Wrong. If I am going out for dinner with you and for some reason I have no time to get changed out of my my stretchy, stripey, skinny jeans and jaunty orange heels I mistakenly threw on. Lie to me…just lie. (…then use your body as a shield)

Lie: “Cheaters never prosper.”
Truth: This may have some truth in the long run (Kharma and all that). But noone mentioned the immediate gratification that cheaters often get from what they do. Yes, they may suffer in the next life, but some do pretty well in this one.

Ok, I jest. Yet the truth is that if we worry about the way people think we should be, we waste time that could  be used playing to our strengths.  In short, just do you and let the rest follow behind.

Picture of vintage model: I can't cook, but who cares?

…So, what are you good at?

 




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  1. Josh Robbins

    What? Guiness won’t put hair on your chest?? Oh man, what a waste. I am going to make myself feel better by eating lots of greens and putting some muscle on. But where do I get the greens? Of course… Dear Santa…


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