Black and multicoloured striped suspender tights by Pretty polly £10.00

I blame Nora Batty…

Actually, I blame anyone who ever wore tan or nude coloured tights in my presence. I hate rules, but this is one that I would suggest we all stick to…never ever wear nude or tan coloured tights.

If you need a reason, then here we go:

They never ever look convincing as your real legs
They make even the best outfits look like they are being worn by a pensioner
There is always the risk of sagging or bagging
They lull you into a false sense of security and encourage inappropriately short skirt lengths
They are not cool at all
They were a wardrobe staple of Nora Batty – this is key, so I have mentioned this twice.

Many have tried, even the likes of Beyonce, Kate Middleton and the somewhat cooler Pippa…oh and Carla Bruni-Sarkozy. However, I am yet to find anyone who is able to pull them off (although, I wish they would – literally).

So where does that leave us skirt wearers?

Leggings, coloured tights, fishnets do not always work. Going bare legged is not wise for the British weather – unless we are going through a ‘heat wave’ – and if you try to copy what you see on the catwalk (models never seem to wear tights) you could end up looking either too keen or like you just didn’t have the right tights to go with your outfit (not a good look).

Nora Batty in horrible saggy nude tightsI suppose that this is the point where I tell you what the answer to the problem is. Well, I don’t have it. Sometimes there just isn’t one. There are just some outfits that look best with bare legs, but if it is not the right temperature, occasion or situation for them, there is nothing you can do. All I can tell you is that neither tan nor nude coloured tights will ever be the right course of action.

My advice? Do not be lured in by the fancy packaging or the fact that they feel silky to the touch, may contain silk or be called sheer – they are going to be either too shiny, too matte, too big or just not the right colour – and they will never look good with either open or closed toed shoes – Kate, you’re fab, but that one is for you.

If you want a ‘finished’ look for work and the coloured, fishnet, or black tights won’t do, then slap on some fake tan or tinted moisturiser and lengthen your skirt to just below the knee, as you will only then show your shins and ankles (which are generally speaking the best looking part of the leg).

So there you have it, I wish I could have been more help. Think you have the answer? Let’s hear it…